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<p align="center" style="margin:0in;text-align:center;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times New Roman",serif"><b><span style="color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Is Artificial Intelligence Both or Neither?<span></span></span></b></p>
<p align="center" style="margin:0in;text-align:center;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times New Roman",serif"><b><span style="color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">(St. Entropy vs. the Machine) <span></span></span></b></p>
<p align="center" style="margin:0in;text-align:center;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times New Roman",serif"><b><span style="color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">(Number XXXIV)</span></b><span style="color:black"><span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in"> </span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black"><span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">‘Twas the Night before Christmas, etcetera, full stop.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">It was silent and dark out, just like my laptop.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">The museum had closed later than ever before;<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">The holiday partiers had at last found the door.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">There was tinsel in places we did not know we had places,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">And all our exhibits sported ribbons and laces.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">The wassail was down to a few flammable drops,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">But this time we ended with no need for cops.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Not a creature was stirring, or whirring, or moving:<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Taxidermy is like that. It does not need improving.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">In the rotunda the curators were collapsed in a heap<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Smiling at visions of grants in their sleep.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">And I? I was trying to close for the night.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">I removed all the tinsel, tucked the curators in tight,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Took the hats off the fossils and the lights off the director,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Moved the punchbowl slowly out to the security sector.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Hoped the sparkles were glitter, not arsenic flakes,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">That hanging artifact-mobiles had been made with fakes.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">I turned off the lava lamps, counted to ten,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">And took the lights off the director. Again.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">It had been a long night of museum mirth and glee,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">So not a thing on exhibit was where it should be.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">The office was covered with papers and files,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Stacked on the floor and piled in the aisles.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">The stockings were hung by the chimney by threads,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">So I rummaged around in my desk drawer for meds.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">As I looked at my desk, my heart filled with dread,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">As a slow throbbing feeling began in my head.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">I glanced at the tasks that I still had to do,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">It would be New Year’s at least before I was through.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Then I thought of a fix that should just hit the spot,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Sat down at my desk and typed “Help_A_I_Chat_bot.”<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">When out on the lawn there arose such a din,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">I sprang from my desk (which left a bruise on my shin).<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Away to the window I flew (okay, slithered),<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Tore open the sash, and then I just dithered.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Looked so real I almost forgot it was faux.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">When, what to my wandering eyes should I spy<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">But a miniature sleigh all a-fly in the sky!<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">With a little old driver, so lively and quick,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">I immediately wondered…just what was his shtick?<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">And then, in a twinkling, just as advertised,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">St Entropy himself glowed and materialized.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">His eyes, how they twinkled (could they be LEDs?)<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">And he sounded so lifelike with each gasp and wheeze.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">When he opened his mouth, words came out in a tumble<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">But alas, any meaning was lost in the jumble.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">He mixed phrase and axiom with bad puns galore,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">And spoke in a way that was hard to ignore.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">“Happy Easter,” he said, “will you be mine, Valentine?<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">O! say can you see by the fruit of the vine?<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Now it’s over the river and once we’re across<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">I want to get rid of this dead albatross.”<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">I realized at once (though this isn’t official),<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">His problem—intelligence too artificial.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">He had gleaned and he’d gathered, that much was clear,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">But somehow it got mangled and came out a schmear,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">I spoke not a word, but went right to his back,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Found the red RESET button there under his pack,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">I pushed it, and held it, till he turned with a jerk,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">Then picked up his bag and went straight to his work.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">He downloaded packages, boxes, and bags,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">All neatly tied up with ribbons and tags.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">As he handed out presents, I stayed on alert,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">To make sure that the wrappings all were inert.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">The Saint was now once again a good fellow,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">And he shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jello.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">He then filled the stockings, as he was required<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">(Alas, just with gift cards that all were expired).<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">But, when laying a finger aside of his nose,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">The software quit working and AI Saint froze.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">I tried to restart him, but he stayed in position,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">And I had to do something to aid his condition.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">So I grabbed a cart and, with a swing and a sway,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">I loaded the AI Saint back into his sleigh.<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">I reprogrammed the reindeer to fly back to the Pole,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">And, as they flew, I raised my glass and cried “Skoal!”<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">And I heard him exclaim, ere he headed back north,<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">“Have a Happy Thanksgiving and a jolly good Fourth!”<span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in"> <span></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">(<i>AI refused to write this for Sally Shelton and John Simmons.
It may not be intelligent, but it’s<span></span></i></span><i><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in"> also not artificial</span></i><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black;border:1pt windowtext;padding:0in">.)</span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:rgb(136,136,136)"> <br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:rgb(136,136,136)"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in;font-size:12pt;font-family:"Times",serif"><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:rgb(136,136,136)"><br></span><span style="font-family:"Times New Roman",serif;color:black"><span></span></span></p></div><div><div dir="ltr" class="gmail_signature" data-smartmail="gmail_signature"><div dir="ltr"><div><div dir="ltr"><div><div dir="ltr"><div><div dir="ltr"><div><div dir="ltr"><div><div dir="ltr"><div><div dir="ltr"><div><div dir="ltr"><div><div dir="ltr"><div><div dir="ltr"><font size="2"><span style="font-family:tahoma,sans-serif">John E. Simmons<br>Writer and Museum Consultant</span></font></div><div dir="ltr"><font size="2"><span style="font-family:tahoma,sans-serif">Museologica<br><i>and</i><br>Investigador Asociado, Departamento de Ornitologia<br>Museo de Historia Natural, Universidad Nacional Mayor de San Marcos, Lima</span></font><br></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>