[NHCOLL-L:5122] Re: Seasons greetings

[Couteaufin at aol.com]

Thank you!
 
Here is my version, less witty but more artsy!
 
With all good  wishes, Simon

Simon Moore MIScT, FLS, ACR,
Conservator of Natural  Sciences,
20 Newbury Street,
Whitchurch RG28 7DN.
_www.natural-history-conservation.com_ 
(http://www.natural-history-conservation.com/)  
_www.pocket-fruit-knives.info_ (http://www.pocket-fruit-knives.info/)  

_http://uk.linkedin.com/in/naturalsciencespecimenconserve_ 
(http://uk.linkedin.com/in/naturalsciencespecimenconserve)   


In a message dated 09/12/2010 13:08:42 GMT Standard Time, CAHawks at aol.com  
writes:

 
 
Wonderful, as always!  
 
 
In a message dated 12/8/2010 12:15:23 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,  
simmons.johne at gmail.com writes:

Our  21st parody since 1989...


A Visit from  the Loan Officer (2010) 
On the night  before Xmas, throughout the museum
‘Twas totally quiet, a damn  mausoleum;
The offices empty, except for our claimants,
All because,  gosh, we were late on some payments.
(OK, so we’d stretched when we took  that last loan,
But it was so easy! Just pick up the phone,
And voila!  A mortgage so big and so splendid,
More money than any trustee  comprehended.
It bought us a curvy new Gehry addition
The pinnacle of  our director’s ambition.
But now, stroke of midnight, the loan had come  due,
And I knew that our mortgage wouldn’t pass peer review.
Hark!  There was Loan Santa, cigar in hand,
Over the rooftop, preparing to  land.
Skidding across our titanium curves,
I heard him cry out with  great gusto and verve:
“Now Buffet! Now Volker! Now Merrill and  Lehman!
Come on Fannie Mae! On Greenspan, and Krugman!”
Out he leapt,  landing square on his Pucci-clad feet
“Hallo,” He called out “I’ve come  straight from Wall Street!”
“Fear not!” he continued, “I’ll not let you  default,”
And plunged down the vent with a grand  somersault.
Scrambling inside I found him in collections,
Tallying  objects, noting his selections.
The fluid collections provoked an  epiphany:
“These could hasten your early return to liquidity!”
He poo  pooed taxidermy; the conclusion was tacit:
Preserved with arsenic they  were—toxic assets.
The fossils were tagged for early  foreclosure
“We’ll sell them,” he cried, never losing composure.
“In  China I know that they’ll fetch quite a penny,
So don’t ask which ones,  just ask me ‘how many?’”
He explained that auctioning New Guinea  weaponry
Would help to defray that negative equity.
He enthused over  panthers whose shipment was pending:
“Now that’s what I call predatory  lending!”
He gathered our registrars, deployed in swarms,
And put them  to work auto-signing his forms.
“I know” he observed, “You’re all working  part time”
“You should have been leery of that term  ‘sub-prime.’
Curators linked arms, defending the vault.
“Oh really,”  he sneered, “would you rather default?”
I cried that his moves were moral  abrogation
“Nonsense,” he demurred, “financial innovation.”
“Would you  rather have squatters lay claim to your foyer?
Be sued by your broker,  not to mention your lawyer?”
And opined, packing specimens into his  crate
“You should have avoided ‘adjustable rate’”
When the shelves  were all bare, file cabinets empty,
The museum pillaged from attic to  entry,
He brushed himself off and leapt onto his sled
Checked the  straps, grabbing one last axe head.
Looking me in the eye he sagely  concluded
“Its your lust for grand space that left you denuded”
I  heard him cry out, fleeing into the night:
“Here’s my advice to all--next  time rent it outright!”

--Elizabeth Merritt, Sally Shelton and  John Simmons wish that your 
holidays will never be  sub-prime. 
_http://futureofmuseums.blogspot.com_ 
(http://futureofmuseums.blogspot.com/) 






Catharine Hawks
Conservator
2419 Barbour Road
Falls  Church VA 22043-3026 USA
t/f 703.876.9272
mobile  703.200.4370

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